Kids are the best, as far as I’m concerned. They’re these amazing little people who have not yet had the imagination and idealism beaten out of them by life. They’ll tell you that when they grow up, they plan to pet dogs for a living, and they genuinely mean it and can’t imagine a reason that wouldn’t work out. They like to tell you about their favorite dinosaur and what would happen if gravity stopped. It’s a joy to behold.
My feelings, though, are not everyone’s feelings. Some folks find all that annoying or stifling, and they do not want to be parents for these or other reasons.
So, here are a few of the top reasons people shared in one Reddit post for why they do not want to have children.
Economic Reasons
The most obvious reason is the cost.
Kids are expensive. First, it’s diapers, then childcare, and then school costs. And of course, it’s always food, from formula to pizza. Kids also mean more expensive housing, especially if you’re picking a location for the school district and other family-friendly amenities.
Right now, families are struggling with food costs, housing, and other expenses, and it makes sense not to add kids to the mix for someone who doesn’t already have them.
State Of Society
Parents are worried about the current state of society for many reasons. We’ve witnessed a horrifying number of school shootings (though let’s face it, even one is terrifying) over recent years, the United States is in political upheaval, nations are being torn by war, and we’re all wondering whether our kids will be able to afford to go to college or get started in an industry, and if they do, whether they’ll be able to afford to live.
There are plenty of reasons to question whether the world, as it stands, is a place we want to bring kids into, and I respect anyone who makes a thought-out decision on that matter, regardless of their conclusion.
Health Reasons & Pregnancy Concerns
Many people these days are deciding not to become parents because of their own health conditions they don’t want to pass down. In some cases, people see that they carry certain genes and decide that they wouldn’t be comfortable bringing another human being into the world, on purpose, who might suffer the same condition.
One Redditor said, “Navigating the health care system solo is hard. I bet it’s even worse with a kid, who also might receive my rare genetic disorder.”
Others decide the risks of pregnancy are too much, particularly for those who can expect a high-risk pregnancy for any number of reasons.
Peace & Quiet
At the risk of sounding too much like Dr. Suess’s Grinch, another major reason is the “noise, noise, noise, noise!”
Kids tend to make a lot of it all the time. And they need a lot of attention. They always ask you to “watch this” or answer bizarre questions. (Once, my kid asked me how many rectangles there are in the world, and I could not answer satisfactorily.) I enjoy it, but if you are a person who needs that alone time every day and multiple quiet hours to recharge, I can understand why you might decide parenting is not your preferred lifestyle.
Medical Costs
If you don’t have health insurance, medical care — both your own through pregnancy, delivery, and postpartum, and the next 18+ years for your kid — are expensive. If you do have health insurance, your premiums and deductibles are expensive instead.
In the U.S., at least, health insurance and medical care are currently politically fraught, and there are also doctor shortages in many specialties. This means that getting your kid to appointments, whether for well checks, sick care, or specialty care, can be a hardship.
For some folks, their experience with this system is enough to make them unwilling to try it for a second person.
Negative Experiences With Parents Or Partners
Some women on Reddit say they’d never have kids because of societal standards for the division of labor. They don’t see a world where fathers are expected to contribute as much to family life as mothers, and they’re concerned about the potential for financial abuse if they’re forced to stop working to parent.
One said, “I’ve got 2 generations’ worth of horror stories about fathers to back me up.”
Others cite parental trauma from either or both parents, saying that they feel the best way to break the cycle is simply not to bring another generation into their family.
No Breaks
One thing about parenting is that you cannot take a day off. You can’t call in sick. You can’t get someone else to take your shift. You’re still on duty even when you have a sitter, leave the kid with the other parent, or put the baby down for a nap and hop in a bubble bath.
For some folks, that’s reason enough to rethink having kids. They recognize their need for breaks, and they have assessed that they would not be at their best if they had to be on call 24/7, so they decide not to be a parent who can’t handle that.
Childhood Trauma
For some nonparents, it’s at least partly about their childhood traumas. They know that they had a miserable experience in school, that they were bullied, that they suffered anxious or depressed lives as kids, and just generally that they do not think of childhood as a magical time of joy.
They don’t want to watch another generation of kids suffer through that, they don’t want to relive their own trauma vicariously, and they don’t feel that they’ve learned whatever the secret is to dodging or repairing that experience.
Parental Fitness/Maternal Instinct
One Reddit user said, “I don’t have a single maternal instinct inside of me.”
Another opined, “‘Maternal instincts’”’ are a myth—I know they wouldn’t just ‘kick in’ for me and I’d end up hating the child for ruining my life.”
Quite a few people say they don’t feel suited for parenting. They don’t think it’s in their skill set or fear they would fail their hypothetical kids. They don’t feel cut out for the task.
Relationships & Family
Some folks say that it would be unrealistic for them to plan on having kids because they’re not currently in a relationship or not in one that’s stable enough for kids. They feel they can’t make plans or hope for kids without any notion of what the future may hold in that regard. Some, of course, are happy not to be in a relationship and don’t see kids as a reason to alter that.
Others cite family dynamics. One Redditor said that in her family, she’s not treated the same as her siblings, and she knows that if she had kids, they would not be treated the same as her siblings’ kids. She doesn’t want to bring more kids into the family knowing that.
Parenting is a personal choice, followed by at least 18 more years of decisions and responsibilities. Some of these reasons will surely resonate even for those who are very happy with our choice and our babies!
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