How much time did you spend with your dad in a given week? If you’re a dad now, how much time do you spend with your kids weekly? Statistics show that for most families, dads are spending more time with their kids than they did a generation or more ago, and it may even be an evolutionary advantage.
Egalitarianism Is Growing
The degree to which fatherly involvement has changed is astonishing. In 1982, 43% of dads said they’d never changed a diaper, Motherly reports. This leads to two simultaneous stunning revelations: the fact that such a level of uninvolvement could be normal barely more than 40 years ago, and the fact that 1982 was more than 40 years ago.
The contrast is stark. A study from 2000 (also more than 20 years ago!) found only 3% of dads who would admit that they had never changed a diaper, and ongoing studies find men increasingly devoted to homes where housework and childcare are more equal. While women are still doing the largest share, and still carrying hefty amounts of the mental load, those gaps are narrowing.
Millennial Dads Are Winging It
In fact, Metro reports, Millennial dads are spending about three times as much time with their kids as dads did in the 60s, and many of them are doing it without a model to follow.
Last year, the publication heard from dads who say they are determined to be involved in their kids lives, and to outdo the standards they grew up observing. One dad described being terrified of letting his son down, and never making a promise until he’s 100% sure he can keep it. Another talked about working to make sure that he and his child can connect openly about emotions, not just sports.
They’re also working to break gender stereotypes they say are reinforced when people refer to a dad as “babysitting” or as a “hands-on” parent, both of which imply that for a dad to take on an actual parenting role is a deviation from the norm.
Societal & Individual Shifts
Some of this change has been enabled by societal shifts, including an increase in remote employment that allows more parents, regardless of gender, to be home with their kids while still earning a living.
On the other hand, some of these external shifts have been brought about by hard-fought battles by parents who just want things to be more equal. For instance, dads have pushed for access to the same diaper-changing stations in men’s restrooms that are made available in women’s restrooms. In 2018, NBCDFW reported on one dad who was actually pushing for a local law that would deem it discriminatory to place a diaper-changing station in one gendered restroom and not the other.
Families have also fought for employers to provide paternity leave as well as maternity leave, and offering similar leave for both parents is increasingly a norm.
The Exciting Potential Of Involved Dads
Here’s where it gets really exciting.
Dads being involved is clearly great for kids, great for dads, great for moms, great for couples, great for families. Kids benefit from more time with their dads, and dads get all this beautiful enriching connection with their precious offspring. Moms get a little lighter load, and of course the joy of their child’s bond with the father, and couples benefit from this more-equal relationship.
However, there are indicators that this change will also benefit not only human society, but humans as a species. One thing that sets humans apart from many other species on the planet is how we build cooperative societies and families that stay linked past physical maturity, and increased connection to both parents just tightens that link.
Dr. Jonathan Kennedy, PhD, a co-Deputy Director at the Queen Mary University of London’s Centre for Public Health & Policy, says that fatherhood is as much in the genes and hormonal response as motherhood. In a op-ed for The Guardian, he explained:
"[W]hen culture, choice or happenstance gives men caring responsibilities for infants, it triggers a similar endocrine response to mothers. Oxytocin and prolactin course through the brain, enhancing the father’s emotional wellbeing and social connections. For many fathers spending time with their baby, sharing the burden with their partner, or doing their bit to bring down the patriarchy is enough of a reward. But now we know there is another benefit: access to a part of the human experience that until recently was assumed to be closed to men."Into The Details
Dr. Kennedy is describing the results of a recent study that show hormonal responses in men when they interact with their children, and that the ‘norm’ of detached fathers is actually less of a universal human experience than modern western cultures might believe.
He points out that there are societies around the world where fathers are much more involved, specifically delving into the Aka people of central Africa, who he says “dads spend about half their time within arm’s reach of their infants.”
Furthermore, he notes that the detachment in Britain, for instance, is at least in part a product of the industrial revolution, before which fathers spent much more time with their kids.
His conclusions? People have used biology as a binder to maintain that firm gender roles are an inherent part of parenting, but in reality, those interpretations are simplistic and ignore that men are equally capable of taking on nurturing roles in their families.
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