Have you overheard your teen mention a “situationship?”
Maybe you’re wondering exactly what that means, and what conversations are due. Like most dating terms, a situationship may mean something different for some couples, social groups, and individuals than others, but overall, if you’re hearing it from your minor child, it’s definitely time for a chat.
While a situationship may be more casual than serious dating, it often has sexual connotations, and you’ll want to be sure your child is making safe choices.
Side note: For simplicity, I’ll use the word ‘couple’ to refer to a relationship between two people, although those in a situationship don’t usually define themselves strictly as a ‘couple.’
Relationships, Situationships, And Flirtationships
Romantic relationship norms have varied widely over human history. Even just in the last century, they’ve included arranged marriages, serial dating, casual dating, divorce, and polyamory.
The word ‘situationship’ — a portmanteau of ‘situation’ and ‘relationship’ has been in documented use since at least 2006 (though the meaning has already evolved), so you may even hear it among your peers. Still, if you’re unfamiliar with it, it’s a more casual romantic relationship.
At its most basic, a situationship is a relationship between two people that shares some of the characteristics of a dating relationship but is more casual and less committed.
In other words, people in a situationship might feel free to flirt with others or even to keep options open for a partner they’re more interested in having for a permanent relationship.
It’s not quite the same as an open relationship which typically still has a certain amount of commitment, but partners may still date or be sexually involved with others, or a flirtationship, which is just casual flirting with no intention of forming a more formal relationship.
What Should Parents Be Concerned About?
Situationships are not inherently sexual, but there’s a strong implication that a couple in one is engaging in some of the activities associated with a committed relationship, just without the commitment. In many cases, that will include sexual activity.
Therefore, the first concern parents should have is the same one they might have if their child were in a more traditional dating relationship: Are they making safe choices?
Now is a great time to talk to your kid about safe sex, and about timing, whether that means waiting for adulthood, waiting for marriage, waiting for the right partner, or waiting for sufficient emotional maturity to handle a relationship with sexual elements.
Safe sex is especially important in more casual relationships, and this is also something you’ll want to discuss with your child.
Even if your child’s situationship isn’t sexual, it’s a good idea to talk about how they feel about a casual relationship and their expectations, particularly regarding the possibility that the relationship becomes more serious to one partner while remaining casual to the other—a recipe for heartbreak.
Are There Any Positives In A Situationship?
If your child is choosing this type of relationship, there are some upsides to it, rather than settling for it when they’d prefer something more serious.
For one thing, many parents have worried about how quickly teens jump into serious or committed relationships, leaving them little opportunity to use dating to learn what traits they like in a partner and what traits are dealbreakers. In that way, keeping it casual can be a positive.
You may also appreciate that a more casual relationship may place fewer demands on your child. Dating can take a lot of time and energy, and many parents already implement rules limiting how often their child can go out on weekends.
Keeping it casual may reduce your teen’s social burnout and may help slow the pace of increasing intimacy.
How Do We Talk To Our Kids About Situationships?
The most important thing you can do is to avoid panicking, jumping to conclusions, and throwing around rules and consequences without hearing your kid out.
You may choose to implement boundaries around your child’s interactions, keeping them age-appropriate and based on maturity levels. For example, you could require your child to keep their bedroom door open when they have company, only allow group dates until a certain age, or limit how much time they can spend out dating. It’s usually a good idea to listen first and set rules second.
Keep an open line of conversation. Your child must know they can come to you safely and won’t be in trouble for sharing their experiences, feelings, and concerns.
Ask them what they like about their relationship and what concerns they have. Ask if you can share your concerns, but hear theirs out first!
Ensure your child knows you’ll support them if they are in a situationship and that you’ll always love and accept them, no matter what.