Mornings are hard. Maybe not for everyone—I’ve heard there are ‘morning people’ out there—but for many of us, they are hard. When they’re hard for our kids, too, that just compounds the struggle, because here’s a parent who doesn’t really want to be awake at all, forcing a kid who doesn’t want to be awake either through a routine neither of them is enjoying. When the child in question has ADHD, it can be an absolute nightmare to get their day started.
You’ve already tried so many things — adjusting bedtime, begging, maybe even bribing or dressing your child while he’s still asleep, and nothing has worked.
Here are a few tips that may help kickstart your child’s morning routine if they have ADHD.
Get Your Child A Checkup
Sleep struggles can come from medical causes, so check in with your child’s doctor before you get frustrated.
Sleep apnea and ADHD have high comorbidity — in fact, a 2011 study found that as many as 95% of people diagnosed with obstructive sleep apnea (OSA) also have attention deficit symptoms, and 20-30% of ADHD patients have OSA symptoms. In fact, there is evidence that treating the OSA symptoms improves ADHD symptoms!
Other things to discuss with your child’s doctor include whether the timing and dosage of any medications are right for your child or are affecting sleep patterns and whether there are any other medical conditions affecting sleep.
Maintain The Routine (Even On Weekends)
One of the great blessings of weekends is being able to sleep in.
However, if you maintain your child’s routine, or at least keep close to it, on the weekend, you may see less sleep pattern disruption during the week. If you let him sleep in and stay up late on the weekends, consider giving only an extra hour or so, rather than movie nights until midnight and staying in bed until noon.
Maintain similar screen time rules, too. If your child isn’t allowed video games past 7 p.m. on weeknights, keeping that rule in place for weekends will help keep his circadian rhythms in order.
Lay Out Morning Tasks The Night Before
It’s easy for anyone to forget important items or tasks in the morning, but ADHD can make this even more difficult.
Setting things out so that they provide visual cues can help. This can include laying clothes out at night, setting vitamins and morning meds out on the counter, and ensuring the hairbrush and toothpaste are in the same place every morning.
Nighttime is also the right time to make sure your child’s shoes aren’t lost, her homework folder is in her backpack, and his lunch bag is where it belongs. (Depending on her age and ability, this may be something you do for her, guide her in doing, or merely remind her to do.)
A visual chart can also help. Images can list morning tasks like washing face, brushing teeth, brushing hair, and putting on shoes. A scheduling app with places to check each item off can be handy for older kids.
Make Bargains For Time
If you need to leave the house by 7:10 a.m., make sure your child knows that being ready by 7 means having a few minutes of free time to play, daydream, cuddle and hear a story, draw, or play with Play-Doh or clay.
Or, the extra minutes might be used to play on the swing or play a quick game with you. This might be something like I Spy, a quick battle with Pokémon cards (only if your decks are already set up), or a silly dance party!
It may be possible (and very tempting) to use screen time here, but do so with caution. Ten minutes is rarely enough unless you plan for a specific game or video that you know can be enjoyed in that time. Screen time can also be extremely dysregulating, especially when ended abruptly, so be judicious.
Find The Positive
If you can start the day with smiles, it can not only make the morning go more smoothly but also brighten your child’s whole day.
Try silly jokes (What happens when a telescope and microscope run into each other? They kaleidascope!) or a funny podcast (for example, the Radio Nonsense show from Comedy Club 4 Kids is silly and can still be thought-provoking; and the Brains On podcast is educational but with funny characters and exaggerated voices.)
You can tickle if your kid likes tickling, be silly with his favorite plushies, or just let him tell you everything he knows about his favorite movie, video game, or other interest, as long as he puts his clothes and shoes on while he shares.
Develop A Morning Ritual
Some parents try a five-minute or a ten-minute yoga session (I know, mornings are already hard enough, but this could even make your day a little smoother, too) with their kids in the morning to get the blood flowing.
Or you might discuss expectations for the day (“It’s Wednesday, so you have music, right? And then you’ll probably have free time instead of recess, since it’s raining.”), talk about plans for the weekend, or play a favorite song.
Kids thrive on knowing what to expect, and if your kid has ADHD, autism, or anxiety, this is even more true, so waking up to a similar experience morning after morning can be comforting.
Be Gentle
Think about your worst days at work. Many of them probably started with something going wrong at home before you ever got out of the door, someone being unkind in traffic, or your boss snapping at you early in the day.
It may be necessary to be firm in the morning, but you can still be kind and gentle, which can change your child’s outlook on the day. It’s just nice to start a day with people who aren’t yelling at you, scolding you for yesterday’s mistakes, or telling you how you’re wrong.
That doesn’t mean you can’t correct your child! It just means that if you need to have a Big Conversation about him failing to take the trash out last week, it might be better to save it for after school. If he’s really slow getting to the breakfast table, you could take a deep breath and remind him of the consequences of being late instead of yelling.
Utilize Breakfast
Even as an adult, it’s much easier to get out of bed if you can smell bacon and biscuits cooking than if you’re heading for a cold, dark kitchen. Apply this with your kid!
Your best bets are aromatic foods that appeal to your child. French toast, oatmeal with cinnamon, bacon or sausage, muffins, biscuits — anything with a warm, sweet smell to pull your child’s head off the pillow.
If you’re pressed for time in the mornings, frozen sausage biscuits, toast with jelly and fruit, or even frozen waffles can still fill the bill for yummy and enticing.
Implement A Timed Practice
Waking up gradually can be easier than jumping out of bed at the first call.
If, for example, your child must be out of bed at 6:30, you might call them at 6:10 first, and make sure they’re awake enough to understand that you’ll be back in ten minutes. Then at 6:20, you can say, “Hey pal, I know you’re still sleepy, but it’ll be time to start getting ready in ten minutes.”
Finally, at 6:30, you can say, “Alright, now it’s time to get up and brush your teeth so we can start this day.”
Also, consider sleep cycles. Professor Richard Wiseman, who studies public understanding of psychology, says that since sleep cycles tend to be about 90 minutes long, with a period of wakefulness or lighter sleep as each starts, timing wakeups for a multiple of 90 minutes after falling asleep (so, for instance, 9 hours or 10.5 hours, rather than 8.5 or 10 hours exactly) canmake waking easier.
Note: Some apps are beginning to implement this, such as the gamified Pokémon Sleep. So far, no statistics definitively prove whether this is effective in helping users wake up. Still, the app can monitor sleep cycles and alarm when it detects lighter sleep; there is some anecdotal praise for it.
Let The Light In
The human brain uses light to regulate circadian rhythms.
Having lights on in the bedroom at night (including tablet and cell phone screens, video games, or even the power light on a television, DVD player, or laptop) can disrupt circadian rhythms, so make sure your child’s room is free of these at least an hour before bedtime.
In the morning, though, implement lights to alert your child’s brain that it’s time to wake. You can open curtains or turn on a light thirty minutes before you wake your child. You can also use a smart bulb or a dimmer switch to gradually increase the light, and/or a timer so that lights are on for a short time before the alarm goes off.