How many of us have kids who absolutely refuse to wear coats, even when the temps drop below freezing?
As a parent, it’s frustrating and concerning and might be even more so if your child has a health condition that can be exacerbated by cold weather. We want to give our teenagers much more autonomy, but we see them making a choice that we know could be detrimental.
What’s the solution?
Do Teens Experience Temperature Differently?
Actually, to a degree, kids may feel temperature differently from adults.
They have a higher percentage of a type of fat cells called “brown fat,” which produces “300 times more heat than any other tissue in the body,” according to Dr. Michael Symonds, who has studied the effects of brown fat and spoke to the New York Times about it.
He says this means kids generate more body heat than adults and feel less discomfort in winter temperatures. Of course, there’s also the fact that they spend more of their time in motion, while adults tend to stand or sit still. Furthermore, spending more time in the cold means building up more brown fat, so if they keep it up, they probably stay a bit more comfortable outside than we do, at least until their habits shift.
How Do We Adjust Our Bundle-Up Rules To Accommodate This?
I’m on my second winter with one of my kids refusing to wear coats and long pants. Fortunately, the temps in our part of North Carolina rarely fall low enough for that to be worth a battle, but the past week has been one of those exceptions. It’s not typical for us to see temps below freezing, especially during the daytime, but this week has been our winter, and according to the forecasts, it’s not over yet.
We have reached some compromises. When I feel he must be warmer, I give him the choice: he has to either put on long pants, a coat, or both. I seek out coats that will meet both his sensory and aesthetic needs. I also keep blankets in the van and have an extra jacket or at least a flannel shirt tucked away in the back for each kid, just in case. That means that if he changes his mind while we’re out, he can always have access to a way to be warm.
So, when I stumbled across a Reddit post from a teenager who is frustrated with her parents for insisting that she wear a coat, it piqued my interest — here’s the view from the child’s side.
Medical Issues Complicate The Question
I won’t link the post here since it was from a minor, but essentially, a teen girl posted in the AskParents forum to find out whether her parents were outliers and dig deeper into parental reasoning.
She explained that she has asthma, and her parents insist on a coat, even if she only expects to be outside “for 30 seconds,” such as transferring herself from the car into a store. She says that she hates having to lug a coat around, that she’s not cold, and that she knows how to manage asthma attacks, so even if the cold does trigger one, her parents shouldn’t worry.
The responses were mixed, with plenty of people saying that an older teen is old enough to be allowed to make mistakes and learn from them.
The parents who have had to deal with asthma, though, were united. They agreed on a couple of critical points.
First, it would not only be the child who suffered the consequences if an asthma attack landed her in the hospital. Second, a plan that involved being outside for “only a few seconds” could quickly go awry, such as with car trouble or a school fire drill, and in those cases, having a coat along would likely be necessary.
Balancing Safety & Autonomy
In the case described above, the parents have good reasons to lean more heavily into their child’s safety, even if it does mean imposing somewhat on her desired levels of autonomy.
The rest of us are left doing the same task we’ve done over and over since the first time our kid figured out how to communicate, “No, I don’t want to.” We’re balancing their preferences on one hand and our perception of their safety and well-being on the other.
What that looks like for each household, and even each child, can differ. We’ll each make judgments based on our local temperatures and weather, as well as our kids’ activity.
Skipping the coat for a drive to the store in 40-degree weather is different than walking to school while it’s snowing.
Making Compromises Where Possible
Sometimes, parents simply have to lay down the law and enforce it. We know that kids do better with less authoritarianism, so when a compromise is available, meeting our kids in the middle is ideal.
When it comes to winter wear, that could mean finding a more comfortable or more maneuverable coat. The heaviest winter coats can be stiff or rigid to move in, so if the weather allows for a lighter option, that might be a workable compromise.
It could mean going for layers instead. If your child hates coats but is okay with wearing a long-sleeved t-shirt with a sweatshirt, or if they’ll wear a hoodie but not a puffer coat, that might offer a solution.
Alternatively, you may try thinking outside the box — maybe your child would enjoy something more fantastical, like a hooded winter cape or cloak.