Maybe you plan on traveling with your family to visit other households during the holiday season. Or, perhaps you’re having family over.
Either way, the bustle and commotion can cause struggles for children, and they may react emotionally—that is, they may have explosions or meltdowns.
Fortunately, while it’s not possible to prevent every meltdown, a little planning can help reduce the number and ensure that your child feels safe and comfortable.
Stick To Routines
Stop laughing.
Yes, it’s really hard to maintain routines during the holidays, and there are parts that just aren’t going to work.
School and daycare are closed, so those parts of the routine are just out of the question. If you’re visiting family, your child is probably sleeping in a strange bed, and mealtimes may be out of whack.
Still, an effort to keep things as normal as possible is helpful for most kids, so figure out what parts matter most—for instance, even if they’re sleeping in and staying up late, getting the same amount of sleep and keeping the same bedtime routine will help.
Keep Comfort Items Close
That favorite pillow, blanket, or plush might take up extra space in your luggage, and you may be tempted to leave it at home. After all, there will be blankets and pillows in your hotel room or in your aunt’s spare bedroom.
For your kid, that familiarity might be a key to making the whole experience a little less daunting.
So, for a few days before you start packing, try to notice what items make your child feel comfortable.
Maybe there’s a favorite spoon or cup he always uses, or his nightlight is very important to him, or he’d rather have his booster seat than sit on the stack of telephone books your grandma somehow still has in her closet.
Any items you can use to make him feel at home may be worth the space they occupy in your trunk or overnight bag.
Prepare Your Child For Changes
Consider what aspects of your child’s routine will be altered, and let him know in advance.
For instance, you can tell him he will be sharing a room with Mommy and Daddy while you stay at Grandma’s, and that he’ll have a folding cot next to your bed, or let him know that he’ll watch his morning cartoons on your tablet because Grandpa will be watching the football game.
Tell him if Grandma’s dog is noisy but doesn’t bite or if her cat is off-limits for petting because it’s old and grumpy.
For many kids, especially neurodivergent kids, knowing what to expect in advance can make everything easier.
You may even want to warn him about small things—for example, Grandma’s house doesn’t have a bathtub, or that he’ll keep his toothbrush in a toiletry bag in the bedroom and carry it to the bathroom with him.
Plan For Strategic Exits
If your child needs to step away from the bustle and chaos for a break, make plans to help him do so.
This may mean keeping a close eye on your smallest kids for signs of struggling and being prepared to scoop them up and carry them to a quiet space.
For older kids, you may be able to arrange for the child to let you know if she needs a break or even has a code word she can use to alert you if she’s uncomfortable explaining in front of others.
Some kids may be able to remove themselves, but they need permission in advance to do so when needed.
Provide Sensory Support
Bring your child’s headphones so they can choose to stay in the same rooms where the family is gathering, but shut out some of the volume. (If necessary, alert family in advance so that no one is shocked or upset.)
If your child enjoys a fidget, make sure it’s accessible during events. Choose (or help them choose) comfortable clothes. (Remember that dress-up clothing, sweaters, and other festive gear may be uncomfortable, itchy, tight, or otherwise feel different from their normal clothing.)
Consider allowing kids old enough to have devices with screens to bring their screens to events. (This depends a lot on how screens affect them—it’s less applicable for kids who will be playing an FPS than for those who will be self-soothing with a favorite comfort show, for example.)
Run Interference
If family members don’t respect your child’s personal space or autonomy, be prepared to step in.
Don’t leave a child who is already in a strange place with a lot of unfamiliar sensory input to deal with invasive, uncomfortable, or inappropriate questions on their own. (These are important skills to learn, and holiday get-togethers are probably not the right place to learn them.) I
Instead, be ready to step in and say, “Aunt Bertha, Sophie has answered enough questions about her haircut now. You don’t have to like it, but she does, and that’s what matters.”
Remind your child (and any relatives who need reminding) that they’re allowed to choose whether they give hugs and kisses, and protect them if that isn’t respected. (If you’re worried about being polite, you can invite your child to offer a handshake or high five instead.)
Be Aware Of Your Child’s Reactions
If you’re getting overwhelmed by the light, noise, and crowd, your child probably is, too.
They may not be as aware of the signs of sensory overload, so you may want to monitor their reactions for those signs yourself. Sometimes, kids don’t recognize that they’re getting overwhelmed until they snap!
When you see signs that they’re getting stressed, you can pull your child aside and ask if they need a break, a hug, a snack, or to step outside for a few minutes.
Watch for agitation, nervous movements, fidgeting, pulling away from the group, or clinging to you or other loved ones.
Plan Check-Ins
If your child is struggling but not showing it outwardly, plan to check in with them regularly.
You’ll have to judge how often your child needs a check-in. For some, it might be every couple of hours, and for others, it might only be twice during a day’s visit.
Pull your child aside and ask how they’re feeling. Are they comfortable? Do they need a break or something to eat?
This not only helps them practice checking in with their needs but reassures them that you are on their side and prepared to support them.
Bring Snacks
At holidays, the kitchen may be too busy for kids to slip in for a snack, and meals may run later than normal.
Be prepared with snacks that your child can have while they wait. Being hungry makes it very hard to stay calm, and some neurodivergent kids (and adults) may struggle with recognizing hunger, especially without external cues like the school lunch bell or others heading for the table.
You could even volunteer to bring appetizer trays and provide cheese, crackers, pretzels, and other snacks that everyone can reach for while they’re waiting for the main meal.
The meltdown you prevent may not even be from your child!
Bring Comfort Foods
If you have a child who isn’t touching turkey, ham, oyster dressing, and cranberry sauce, plan to be sure that there will be foods he does eat.
This might mean volunteering to bring a side dish that you know he loves, such as a bag of chicken nuggets and a cup of microwaveable macaroni and cheese.
However, it would be best to plan with the knowledge that there may or may not be access to the oven and other kitchen appliances.
If that’s the case, consider bringing a container of cheese, crackers, apple slices, and other snackables.
Important: For one day, you may want to suspend any rules about trying new things or eating the provided dinner before getting dessert. Most days don’t bring the level of sensory exhaustion that holidays do, so it’s a good time to be flexible.
Provide Physical Activity
There’s a lot of activity at holiday events, but it doesn’t tend to be the sort that stretches growing muscles and releases tension.
If possible, find an opportunity to take your kid outside or into another room and stretch or go for a walk or run. If the weather allows, you could volunteer to organize foot races or snow games for the kids in the backyard.
An older teen cousin (one who can be trusted to be reliable and responsible) might even enjoy taking the younger kids out to play while the adults cook and socialize.
At minimum, getting your child out of a chair to stretch and move a little bit could help ease tensions they didn’t even realize their body was carrying and help stave off meltdowns.
Avoid Triggers
You already know some of the things that upset your kid.
Maybe it’s having to keep his shoes on, being tickled, or being pressured to try foods he doesn’t like. For some kids, it’s loud noises, multiple people speaking at once, adults shouting, or being hungry.
It may be impossible to prevent all triggers, especially if you stay in someone else’s home. However, preventing as many as possible can help minimize your child’s discomfort and make the holidays easier for everyone.
It’s okay to contact family members in advance to communicate boundaries or to speak up when someone’s actions are likely to upset your child.
Protect Sacred Spaces
If the gatherings are at your home, it can be an intense experience for your child.
People who don’t live in their houses touch their toys, watch football on the TV that is usually tuned to their favorite shows, sit in their favorite seats, and squeeze their highchairs over to make room. You may have moved some of his things out of the living room to make more gathering space or squeezed extra folding chairs at the table, making the dining room a maze to navigate.
If people stay over, he may have to share his bedroom with a cousin or several cousins.
Decide with your child what spaces are off-limits for others. Maybe this means that only he is allowed on his bed, or perhaps his bedroom door stays shut, and other folks aren’t allowed to wander in (if he’s not sharing).
It could even mean a drawer or cupboard where he can stash a few favorite toys he doesn’t feel ready to share. Just having a little private space is a big deal, and it helps him feel his autonomy is respected.