As parents, we say a lot of things over and over.
Sometimes, we try to rephrase it in various ways to get through, and sometimes, that might be necessary, for example, when helping with math homework. Other times, though, we know our kids understand; they just need another reminder.
That’s where these parenting one-liners come in. They’re a short version of a long conversation.
The Longer Conversation Comes First
In the viral TikTok that’s inspiring moms to share their parenting one-liners, Nicole Black, who goes by the handle @raisingkindkids, explains that she uses these shortcuts to avoid repeatedly having the same entire conversation.
For example, if she’s already said “no” to some request, and her child keeps asking repeatedly, she’ll explain that she has already been asked that question and given her answer. If they keep asking, she shortens this explanation to “Asked and answered” instead of repeating the longer explanation repeatedly.
These Short Phrases Can Come In Handy
One of the examples in the TikTok is “Is that a safe choice for your body?”
This could be used when your child is climbing on the back of the couch and leaning out to reach the pull cord of the living room ceiling fan or when they’re expressing interest in unsafe or illegal substances.
Of course, both of these situations do necessitate a full conversation at some point, in which a parent explains that falling off the furniture could result in physical harm or talk to a teen about the risks of substance abuse. The short form is a quick reminder, not the whole story.
We have a similar one in my home: “Bodies belong to the people who live in them.”
It’s a reminder that it’s not okay to hit your sibling and also not okay to hug or kiss them when they don’t want to be touched. It’s a phrase that makes consent very personal. After a few repetitions, I found that I could just say, “Bodies belong…” and my child would finish the line and stop whatever he was doing that invaded his brother’s space.
One-Liners Help Kids Build Connections Between Big Lessons And Day-To-Day Events
As parents, we teach our kids that all feelings are valid, but not all behaviors are. That’s another one-liner, a short version of the fact that it’s always alright to have feelings, but it’s not okay to use them as an excuse to hurt others, and that we are all responsible for handling our own emotions and behaviors.
Another version of this is the opening line of the viral video: “You can be mad, but you can’t be mean.”
That takes children back, in that moment, to the big lesson that we can feel our feelings but can’t use them to justify mistreating others. It’s short, sweet, and easy to understand but links to a serious message and important standard of human interaction.
These Are Not Your Parents’ One-Liners (Probably)
Our parents’ generation had their own one-liners, many of which were scary, hurtful, or connection-breaking.
Adults today recall being children with parents who said things like, “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it,” or, “My house, my rules,” or, in the car, “Don’t make me come back there.”
Those phrases could be interpreted as meaning things like, “I’m bigger than you and can have my way by force,” or “No, you don’t get a say. Your feelings don’t count.”
And they typically did not come with explanations.
These new one-liners are about reassurance, connection, and reminding our kids of the things we’ve hopefully taught them in loving ways.
Check Out The Video From Raising Kind Kids
Below, you can see Nicole Black’s video with the one-liners she uses in her household. She closes with an invitation to other parents to share their own.
By the way, if you’re wondering about that name, it’s because Black is the founder of the Raising Kind Kids Club, where she offers videos, printables, workbooks, and more, all designed to help parents understand her method for raising kids who choose to be kind.
She even has specific content to teach siblings kindness toward each other, which sometimes seems like the hardest to cultivate.
She offers plenty of free content in the same vein through her social media page and her blog.
One-Liners From Parents In Her Comments
Parents have chipped in lots of one-liners that work for them.
“You don’t have to like them but you can’t recruit others not to like them,” is great for preventing “mean girl” ganging up.
One parent says she uses “if we want to come back, we have to leave nice,” to prevent tantrums when it’s time to go home from a fun place like the park.
Another says she’s stopped saying “hurry” and replaced it with “move with purpose.” This makes perfect sense since hurrying can often result in extra struggles, like shoes on the wrong feet with tangled laces or even tripping and falling. Moving with purpose means focusing and not dawdling. This is probably the one I’ll be co-opting for my use.
One mom offers, “Just because you think it doesn’t mean you say it,” which is great advice for kids and adults alike.
Several parents used phrases to avoid judging other kids’ behavior, mistakes, or misunderstandings. They included, “Everyone is learning,” “It’s okay to let other people be wrong,” and “Reasonable minds can differ.”